"This guy is ... well, different. I suppose."
That was the comment of one visitor to this site. She was not impressed with what she saw here. But most visitors have been much more supportive and friendly.
Anyone who knew me in real life would say that I am not "different" at all. In fact, I live about the most conventional life you could imagine: happily married, with two grown kids and two grandsons, steady job teaching at a university, unexciting leisure time interests (reading, music, walking, computing,...).
But there is one thing that makes me different: I am gay. Not in practice (with very occasional exceptions), but by orientation. Does that really does make me so very different, or are there others like me? Through the internet, I have found that there are very many gay married men. They deal with their situation in many different ways. On this web site, I aim to show how I try to keep the different aspects of my life in balance.
If you want the story of how I grew up sort of knowing that I was gay (but not really knowing what "gay" was), and how I decided that I did not want my life to be determined by my sexuality, you'll find it here. And if you want to know how 38 years of married life have worked out for me, that's here.
If you want to follow my journal,
here's a quick rundown on the main characters that you'll meet. The names
of some of them are linked to places where they have been mentioned in
the journal.
Chris That's me: 63 years old, semi-retired but still working part time as a professor at a university in the north of England, where I have lived for the past 23 years.
Mary My wife: a year younger than me, she has been chronically ill for the past 16 years but is gradually recovering. She doesn't know I'm gay (nor does anyone else, except readers of these pages) but she somehow puts up with me.
Steve Our son, aged 35: he and his partner Jo live in a small town in the South of Spain. Their son Tom was born in 1999, and his brother David in 2003.
Liz Our daughter, aged 33: she recently qualified as an osteopath, and is busy establishing her career.
Allan and Pat Allan is my closest friend, though I don't often see him. He and Pat live in Edinburgh. The best week of the year for me is when we go hiking in the Scottish Highlands.
Christine and Simon Friends of ours who live locally: they both suffer from M.E., as did Mary for a long time.
Lorraine and David Another couple of friends living nearby: they have an on-again, off-again relationship, and are currently divorced for the second time but are still on good terms with each other.
Stephanie and François Young friends who look after our house (and cats, when we had them) when we are away from home.
Heather and Andrew Heather is our "surrogate daughter". She and Andrew have a young son Lewis, and live about 100 miles away, near Newcastle. We don't often see them, but they occasionally arrive unexpectedly on our doorstep, and stay for a brief chat before heading off elsewhere.
Nick A young friend who figured in the early years of this journal but has now emigrated and moved out of our lives.
Last updated January 2004
